He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
