Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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