His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
