I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
