just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
