People in love make me want to vomit
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
