just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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