Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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