i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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