so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
