my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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