Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This house was built for laser tag.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
