just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
