fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
