do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
