I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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