Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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