Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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