just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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