I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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