Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
