Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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