i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We were destined to go to rehab together
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
