obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
