I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
