why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
