Umm I'm too high to move.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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