New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The Olympian is in my bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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