Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
