ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
