i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
