Pants 0. Shit 1.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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