mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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