I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
