I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
