I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
