U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
