Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
