I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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