Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your cock deserves a montage
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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