I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
