I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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