Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
this hospital has no fireball
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
