im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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