playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
