Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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