I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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