The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
