he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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