He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
