Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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