Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Someone came in the potted fern
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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