I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
