I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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