is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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