When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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