Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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