it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
