I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
