Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
