Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
