he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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