Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
