I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
