Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
