Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
