Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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