i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
