and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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