haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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